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Stroking, kneading, tapping: how to give a successful partner massage

13/11/2023

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When it comes to love and relationships, sensitivity is often required. This also applies to partner massages - literally. Whether kneading, tapping or stroking: With this step-by-step guide to couples' massages, you'll elicit a deeply relaxed "Aaaahh" from even the biggest massage grouch.

Good for your back - and your love life: a partner massage. It satisfies two of the most basic everyday needs of modern man: being touched and getting rid of those pesky tension from office work.

Smart people combine the beautiful with the practical and convince their partner to spend a few minutes kneading, circling and cuddling in relaxed togetherness.

As with many partner activities, partner massage also depends on the right technique. The movements have to be right, the atmosphere has to be right and, of course, both partners have to be in the right mood for it.

The power of touch: why massage is so good for you

Touch is vital. Every infant learns this, because touch from mum, dad or another carer is as essential for early childhood development as food, according to research. The "cuddle hormone" oxytocin, which is released during touch, not only influences the parent-child bond, but also the healthy development of the child.

Even later in life, touch - if it is wanted - remains beautiful and important. If the technique is also right, touch is not only good for the soul, but for the whole body. This study overview shows: Massage relieves pain in the lower back, neck and shoulder area as well as complaints of osteoarthritis and migraines.

Good for the partnership: mutual massages

And as promised at the beginning, massaging each other is not only good for your lower back, but also for your relationship, which thrives on affection, tenderness and touch. This is also known as tactile or haptic communication: communication that takes place via the sense of touch, touch, vibration, temperature or pressure.

A study in the journal Frontiers in Behavioural Neuroscience shows that tactile communication strengthens the bond between romantic partners and can even promote mutual emotional contagion and empathy. In other words, people who massage each other are better able to empathise with each other.

In addition, partner massage has been shown to improve mental health, perceived stress and how we deal with it. And not just for the person being massaged, but for both partners.

So you can take away something for your partnership: Massaging promotes mutual understanding, reduces stress in the relationship and strengthens your bond through touch and tenderness. And ultimately, a partner massage is also a form of attention, taking time for each other and a sign of love. And of course, if you're lucky, it's also a great opportunity for, hopefully good, sex.

How to give a successful partner massage: strokes, technique, body regions

Now that you have plenty of theoretical arguments in favour of partner massage, you just need to put it into practice. You can now find out how to elicit relaxed "aaahs" from your partner, which strokes are important and which parts of the body they particularly like to massage.

1. couples massage: the right atmosphere

The timing, mood and atmosphere are the first factors that decide whether your massage is a hit or miss. Choose a time when all the tasks of the day have been ticked off and your partner can fully engage with the massage

Depending on your preference, you can now set up the room, for example the bedroom, accordingly: Dimmed, warm light invites you to close your eyes and relax. A well-ventilated room makes deep breaths a pleasure and, speaking of breathing deeply: Good fragrances via the aroma diffuser or scented candles and also scented sprays for the pillow ensure a pleasant room climate. You can also turn on a relaxation playlist or provide other soft background noises. Ideally, your partner should lie on their stomach in a comfortable position and on a soft surface - in bed, for example.

2. the right massage oil for a partner massage

The top priority when massaging: Use oil. Otherwise, even the most well-placed strokes will cause unpleasant pulling on the skin. The choice of massage oils is huge: from relaxing lavender oils to pain-relieving arnica oil - what you and your partner need is very individual. Make sure that the scent is pleasant and that the oil is hypoallergenic if your partner has sensitive skin. Manuka, lavender or almond oil, for example, nourish the skin without irritating it. Warm a few drops of massage oil in your hands and start the massage.

3. gentle stroking: The effleurage

The effleurage is a great way to start any massage. This involves gently stroking up and down the length of your partner's back with the palms of your hands or fingertips. This is particularly pleasant along the muscle strands running along the side of the spine. This promotes blood circulation and increases the temperature of the skin and tissue. The ideal start to a partner massage.

4. Circling: The friction

After this, it's time to build up a little pressure - for example with friction: make small circular movements with your fingertips or the balls of your hands, for example on your partner's back. In the meantime, you can increase the pressure, but of course only as much as is comfortable for the person being massaged. The friction relieves superficial hardening of the muscles and tension.

5. kneading: The petrissage

Now you penetrate deeper into the muscles. With Petrissage, you start with classic kneading movements, for example on the upper and lower back, neck or calves. The technique alternates kneading movements with stroking the body area: You can do this carefully with your fist, the ball of your hand or your thumb.

This technique increases the amplitude of movement, stretches the muscles, promotes blood circulation and relieves deep tension. It is particularly suitable for the neck: you can stroke outwards along the sides of the neck muscles, knead them and stretch the elongated neck muscle from top to bottom. But be careful: never apply pressure to the neck vertebrae, but stay with the muscles.

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6. light tapping: the tapotement

Finally, you can release the last tensions with light tapping movements. Tapotement involves tapping the massaged area of the body in rhythmic movements, either with your fists or the outer edge of your hand. It also feels good to use your fingertips or the flat of your hand. Stimulate the circulation one last time and release any remaining tension in the muscles. Make sure you are gentle here too and do not tap on the spine.

7th grand finale: the facial massage

Now ask your partner to turn from their stomach onto their back and stand at the foot of the bed. Alternatively, your partner can also place their head in your lap. Now stroke along the side of the jaw up to the ears several times with a little oil and both hands. You can also rub and massage the ears. You can then spend a minute stroking the area under the lash line - from the root of the nose along the cheekbones - outwards with your fingers. This is not only pleasant, but also clears the airways and blocked sinuses. Finish by gently stroking the temples with your index and middle fingers and massaging them in a circular motion.

Cover photo: shutterstock

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Olivia Leimpeters-Leth

Autorin von customize mediahouse

oliver.fischer@digitecgalaxus.ch

I'm a sucker for flowery turns of phrase and allegorical language. Clever metaphors are my Kryptonite – even if, sometimes, it's better to just get to the point. Everything I write is edited by my cat, which I reckon is more «pet humanisation» than metaphor. When I'm not at my desk, I enjoy going hiking, taking part in fireside jamming sessions, dragging my exhausted body out to do some sport and hitting the occasional party.

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