What’s the right age to get your kid a phone?
28/3/2024
Translation: Jessica Johnson-Ferguson
Smartphones have become part of life – including our children’s. But when are our little ones ready for their first mobile? I spoke to a media expert to find out.
I’m well aware that my children are growing up in a highly digitised world. I’ve also noticed how they’re often better at using my phone than I am. And yet, I don’t like the idea of them having their own device at some stage. Whenever I see older kids on their phones, it makes me feel uneasy. At the same time, I know there’s no way around it.
Until now, I’d sworn neither of them would be getting a phone until they were 14. But after talking to media expert Iren Schulz, I know there’s no need to be quite so strict about it.
Iren Schulz, is there a universal answer to the question: when should I allow my child to have a mobile phone?
Unfortunately not. There’s a great deal of uncertainty and many parents want answers. But for many reasons, things aren’t that straightforward.
On the one hand, children develop very differently. That’s why they have a different take on digital media and the functions and purpose of a smartphone. From an educational point of view, the general rule is that children under the age of eleven are unable to assess, understand and use a fully equipped smartphone in a proper and safe way.
On the other hand, reality paints a completely different picture. Smartphones become a hot topic as soon as kids start school. A good compromise can be to give your child a phone, but to heavily limit its functions. That means no internet flat rate, no way of making any purchases and no registration on social media. You could start with text messages and calls only, for example. New functions can then be added step by step together with the parents.
Would you recommend giving a child at primary school age a phone, i.e. at the age of six or seven?
Many families do. If you do, I think it’s important to start with very limited access and to build on this gradually. Things that need to be addressed are overwhelm regarding content, spending money and also interaction risks. In other words, who gets to communicate with your child via smartphone and what their intentions are. Your kid doesn’t need Whatsapp, for example. According to the GDPR, the app’s only allowed from the age of 18. And rightly so. After all, it does have a few rough edges.
Source: Photo: Schau hin!/Tanja Marotzke
Parents who give their child a smartphone at a young age usually do this out of worry. For example, because the child goes to school alone. However, there’s no need for Whatsapp or TikTok in this case. All you need is a text-messaging function and maybe an app for public transport. If this works well, you can gradually add further functions. The following page is very helpful for childproofing computers and mobile devices: www.medien-kindersicher.de (page in German). It features picture galleries that help parents configure devices to suit their children’s needs.
Would you say that children from the age of eleven are ready for a real mobile phone with all the settings? Or should parents still guide them?
The age threshold of eleven years only refers to the child’s cognitive development. It’s only at that age that the brain understands how Bluetooth and networking on social media works or what influencer marketing is, for example. Or take in-app purchases. The concept behind many mobile games is that you have to spend money in order to make progress. These concepts are often too complex for children to grasp.
Even eleven-year-olds still need guidance when they’re given a mobile phone. Even if you’ve limited your child’s device functions with the help of Google Family Link, for example, it’s still important to talk. Parents should explore and set up the device and its functions together with their child. This should include addressing things that are out of bounds.
Some parents are totally against their child having a phone before a certain age. At the same time, they’re worried their child will lose touch with friends.
Parents usually have good reasons for forbidding their child to have a phone. At «Schau Hin!» we try to encourage that decision. We do this by helping parents stick to their arguments and by giving them advice on how to explain this to their child. After all, parenting’s always about setting boundaries. Besides, the concern that children will lose their friends just because they don’t have a mobile is unfounded. Children who are well integrated into social structures and have friends will find a way to stay in touch.
You don’t learn how to deal with things by forbidding them, but by dealing with them.
Then there are parents who rigorously monitor their children and their smartphone usage. This strategy’s probably not a great idea. After all, you don’t learn how to deal with things by forbidding them, but by dealing with them. In today’s society, there’s no getting round smartphones and digital media. I believe a gradual introduction’s better than a strict smartphone ban until the age of 14, let’s say.
When it comes to media, parents are often insecure and try to pass on the responsibility. At the same time, it’s the parents who know where their child stands in terms of development and what’s best for them. As a media coach, I try to encourage the parents to become aware of this. The aim is to help families find the best way for them.
Where does this insecurity come from? Is it because today’s mums and dads didn’t grow up with mobile phones?
That’s part of it. But many parents are also unfamiliar with certain apps and this unsettles them. However, there’s no need to sign up for every new tool to know what it’s about. Adults are far better at keeping a healthy distance and a more critical view on digital media than children. Regardless of whether they’re familiar with an app.
I sometimes see children, maybe nine or ten years old, staring at their smartphones, even when they’re walking. As a mother, I’m worried my sons will behave the same way at some stage. What can I do about it?
Nine or ten is a critical phase. It’s when children are particularly open and curious and have no limits when it comes to media use. If you tell them they can watch something for half an hour, they probably won’t put the device away after the time’s up. They become so engrossed in the endless supply of content that they lose any sense of distance. In other words, they won’t voluntarily put their phone down. That’s why prioritising homework over the phone will remain a wish of the parents. Children are incapable of catering for that wish purely in terms of their cognitive development.
That’s why it’s important to set boundaries, especially with younger children. Technical tools including Google Family Link or screen times set on the router can be helpful. The tools will make sure time’s up after half an hour. This also helps children realise how time flies – a particularly important realisation at the beginning. You can’t set the usage times for the entire device, but you can for the individual apps. For example, making YouTube stop after 6 p.m., but allowing audio services to continue.
What’s the reality of things? When do children start using a mobile phone?
There are representative studies for Germany conducted by the research group for media education «Medienpädagogischer Forschungsverbund Südwest» (page in German). The Kim study focuses on children and the Jim evaluation on adolescents. The same studies are also available on families with small children. The results show that both children and adolescents own smartphones and that toddlers and infants are also active screen users. They pick up on how important these gadgets are to us adults.
As parents and caregivers, we have a very important role to play here. By the time children reach nursery age at the latest, they want to own a device. In first or second grade, many children already have one. And that’s why I believe it’s so important to find an educationally reasonable compromise. These devices are part of family life and everyday reality, after all. Just make sure usage is safe, supervised and limited.
What should you look out for when buying a mobile phone for your kid?
There’s definitely a market for children’s smartphones. But I’m torn about whether they’re a good option, because it’s ultimately all about how you set up a phone. An old family phone will do, but it should be one that still receives system updates. Otherwise the security gaps are too big. At the same time, the latest iPhone isn’t the way to go either because of its price tag. Children wouldn’t be able to handle it with enough care, and that type of phone could make other kids envious. It’s best to start with a prepaid card and block in-app purchases, third-party providers and the like. That way the phone’s connection to the world is somewhat contained.
What else should parents consider?
The role of adults as role models is very important. Whatever you want and expect from your children, you need to exemplify through your own actions. Especially when it comes to media use. You can’t expect your children to follow rules you don’t follow yourself. Let’s be honest, it’s not easy for us adults to put down or switch off our smartphones for a longer period. This can be difficult even for very young kids. Children develop the important, secure bonds for life in the first year of their life. If their caregivers are always staring at a screen, this can lead to attachment and behavioural disorders. I think it’s very important to raise awareness in this case. Parents often don’t realise how problematic it is when a phone keeps interrupting joint activities and exclusive family time. This can lead to disorders in the child.
What do you recommend instead?
Time spent together, such as meals or family activities, should be declared media-free time. This means mobile phones are put away or at least put into flight mode. It’s good for everyone, including the adults. You’ll often see how annoyed children get about taking photos on family outings. This raises the question if you really need to take several pictures of every excursion?
What do you make of the current debate about a mobile phone ban in schools?
I think it would be very difficult to implement. How would you police this? Besides, I don’t find it constructive either. It would make more sense to determine how smartphones can be integrated into classes and when they should be put away. This could also be defined in house rules defined together with the pupils. For example, allowing mobile phones during specific subjects, but forbidding them during break time.
As I said before, you don’t learn to deal with stuff by forbidding it. What’s more, a ban just wouldn’t work in practice. There would always be parents who give their children a phone anyway. With this in mind, it’s always best to talk to everyone involved and come up with solutions that work in everyday life. This approach is in the children’s best interest and the only way to prepare them for the future of media.
Thank you very much for your time.
What’s your take on children using mobile phones? Let me know in the comments!
Header image: BearFotos/Shutterstock
A true local journalist with a secret soft spot for German pop music. Mum of two boys, a dog and about 400 toy cars in all shapes and colours. I always enjoy travelling, reading and go to concerts, too.
