When do I tell my child that the Christ Child doesn't exist?
21/12/2023
Translation: machine translated
Father Christmas, the Christ Child, St Nicholas - children like to believe in these figures for a long time. But when is the time to come out with the truth? I asked Lars Adam, a psychologist for children and young people.
"That's what I want from Father Christmas", "And that!", "Oh, that too!". That's what it sounds like when my four-year-old son flicks through a toy catalogue or sees an exciting advert on YouTube. And I nod dutifully and say in an admonishing tone: "Then you must always be nice and tidy your room".
In this way, we have both gained something: My son thinks he'll get lots of great presents if he's just good and I have an extra reason why he needs to keep his nursery tidy. And then there's the whole magic that surrounds Christmas: The days until Father Christmas or the Christ Child finally arrives are magical for young children.
But for how much longer? In some of our Christmas books, the protagonists are already sowing doubts about the nice man in the red robe with the white beard. I realise that the magic won't last forever. But how much time do I have left?
I asked Lars Adam in Cologne. The 44-year-old is a child and adolescent psychotherapist with his own practice.
Mr Adam, is there a certain age at which children should learn that Father Christmas doesn't exist?
I would say, and this is not scientifically proven, that the magic starts to wear off at the end of primary school at the age of nine or ten. That's when children are enlightened by friends and classmates without their parents asking for a chat.
What if my child becomes suspicious before this age?
I think you can keep the magic for as long as possible. But it also depends on the parents and how involved they are at Christmas. Some parents are keen to keep the illusion alive for as long as possible. Ultimately, everyone has to decide for themselves when to tell their child. However, I believe that a little white lie is okay here. Children have a vivid imagination and Father Christmas is part of this imagination. Up to a certain age, it is perfectly legitimate to maintain this phase. Keeping something from a child is different from lying to them.
How do I manage not to answer the question with "no" straight away?
For example, you can ask a counter question: 'Who do you think will put the presents under the Christmas tree? This allows you to gauge how far along the child is. Interestingly - but again, this is not scientifically proven - most children want to keep believing in Father Christmas. Even if a large part of them says that this is rubbish, the other part would like to hold on to it. Because they feel at the core: this is Christmas.
Source: Lars Adam
If the older child no longer believes in Father Christmas but the younger one does: how do I prevent this from being discovered?Siblings naturally know which buttons to press and like to use this as a provocation. For example, by saying to the younger child at the table: 'Oh, you still believe in Father Christmas? They are also envious. But you can calmly and matter-of-factly explain to the older children that they shouldn't mention it in front of the younger ones. They, in turn, like the fact that you are connecting with them on an adult level. Parents should then involve the older children, for example by filling the Santa's stocking for the younger child together. ## "Children differentiate between a real lie and a white lie"Will my children later resent me for "lying" to them? I have never heard of a case of children taking offence at their parents. Children differentiate between a real lie and a white lie or "preservation lie". They then understand: My parents never told me that so that I would be okay. Thank you very much for the interview!So I still have time - both to use my educational measures, which are certainly worthless, and to maintain the magic of the festival. And I am reassured that my credibility will not be damaged by this small but nice lie. After all, I liked believing in Father Christmas too. If you (or someone else) would like to dress up as Father Christmas for your children, here are a few useful products:[[product:13955990,13958790,12080011]]\When do you think it's the right time to break up the fairy tale? Or do your children not believe in the Christmas characters at all? Feel free to let me know in the comments.Cover photo: Irina Wilhauk/Shutterstock*
A true local journalist with a secret soft spot for German pop music. Mum of two boys, a dog and about 400 toy cars in all shapes and colours. I always enjoy travelling, reading and go to concerts, too.
